


Cissy's Lonely Ladies Luncheon

by Drarry_Quite_Contrary



Series: Fanatical Fam Discord Humpday Headcanon [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, The Vampire Diaries - L. J. Smith
Genre: Angst and Humor, Anonymity, Book Club, F/M, Fanatical Fics's Humpday Headcanons, Good Narcissa Black Malfoy, Lunch, M/M, Minor Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Party, Podfic Welcome, Pseudonyms, Secret Identity, Secrets, do not post on other sites
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:27:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27264235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drarry_Quite_Contrary/pseuds/Drarry_Quite_Contrary
Summary: Narcissa has a secret. She has been writing muggle romance novels under a pseudonym. What if she is discovered?!
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Black Malfoy, Mrs Goyle/Mr Goyle (Harry Potter), Mrs Parkinson/Mr Parkinson (Harry Potter)
Series: Fanatical Fam Discord Humpday Headcanon [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2002693
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Cissy's Lonely Ladies Luncheon

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BokhandlarnEmilie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BokhandlarnEmilie/gifts).



> ***All characters created and owned by J.K. Rowling***
> 
> Written for Fanatical Fam Discord: Slytherin Common Room Humpday Headcanon 
> 
> **Narcissa Black Malfoy**

Everything had to be perfect. Narcissa scrutinized the display of sandwiches, bonbons, biscuits, and macarons, piled high on fine Malfoy china. Silver flatware wrapped elegantly next to each iron teacup on each table beside four individual armchairs.

“I suppose this will do,” said Narcissa.

Their new house-elf, Pippy, looked up at her mistress nervously.

“Now go and fetch the tea,” she said briskly, and the elf jumped and clambered off to the kitchen.

_DONG! DOOOONG!_

“Ah, they are here. Pippy! Get the door!”

Narcissa took a seat in their largest ornate armchair, smoothed out her skirt, and crossed her legs in the perfect V shape that was appropriate for such occasions. She took a deep breath as she looked down at the book.

_Love Before Midnight_ _By Damon Salvatore_

She giggled to herself gently. It would be impossible for any of her friends to discover the muggle reference. Though if one of them did...she dare not think about it.

“Narcissa, you’ve really outdone yourself this week!” said Mrs. Parkinson.

The compliment was empty. She would outdo _anything_ Narcissa had done previously. Frankly, no matter what she did, a Parkinson could never be a Malfoy. Or a Black.

“Oh, it was nothing, Midge,” she said sweetly. “Please, have a seat.”

“Indeed, I shall. Natasha! Patricia! Welcome. Do come and sit,” said Midge Parkinson.

A vein pulsed in Narcissa’s temple. This was not _her_ manor. How dare she greet _her_ guests.

Mrs. Goyle and Mrs. Crabbe took their respective seats across from Narcissa.

“Absolutely darling, Cissy,” said Mrs. Goyle.

“Thank you, Patty.” Just as Narcissa turned to call for her, Pippy returned with a large pot of tea. She approached each lady with a bow, pouring steaming cups of Japanese jasmine tea, Narcissa’s favorite.

She summoned the sugar dish and creamer, offering to each of her friends in kind.

“So,” said Narcissa casually, “What do you think of this week’s book?” She tried to keep her hand from shaking as she took a small sip of tea.

“Oh, it was positively _delicious!_ I do hope he writes more books. I could not get enough,” said Mrs. Crabbe, waving herself.

Mrs. Goyle giggled, “It was quite...intoxicating.”

Mrs. Parkinson snorted, “I personally don’t know what’s so fascinating about _muggle_ intercourse. How savage, really.”

Narcissa was prepared for this, “I think it’s quite romantic. Without the use of magic, one has to be very...creative.” 

Mrs. Goyle nodded furiously, “Yes, my thoughts exactly! The way Stefan used his fingers…” She shivered. “I can’t even imagine!”

“How unfortunate that _your_ husband doesn’t give you the attention you desire,” said Midge, sipping her tea.

_‘As if your husband does?’_ thought Narcissa. “I believe we have all felt a bit neglected with the return of...I’m sure it’s temporary, Patty.” 

If their husbands hadn’t, she was confident they would never venture into such muggle forms of love-making. They were here to breed an heir, were they not?

“Elena has such a tragic existence. Do you think she will ever truly love him? I believe her desires lay elsewhere. I’m not sure why.”

“It’s disgusting,” said Midge.

Narcissa’s cup cracked, and tea spilled into her lap. She vanished it away instantly. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened.”

The three women looked at her agape. 

Midge ignored the event as she continued, “I, for one, could not finish the thing. I burned it, actually. I have requested a full refund from Flourish and Blotts. I explained my displeasure of stocking such an atrocity. I am hoping for it to be pulled from the shelves within a fortnight.”

Narcissa exploded. The three women screamed. Sandwiches and macarons scattered the salon. China shattered.

Pippy ran into the room, “Mistress, are you alright! Were the sandwiches not to your liking? I will re-make them my apologies!”

“This book took me _two years_ of carefully conducted research!”

Patty blinked. “Cissy...are you...Damon Salvatore?”

Narcissa’s eyes widened, breath catching in her chest.

“Never have I been so treated in my life!” said Midge, tossing her teacup on the floor. “You should be _ashamed_ of yourself! When Lucius hears about this…”

_“Obliviate!”_

At first, Narcissa thought she had done it, but it was Mrs. Crabbe.

Midge’s eyes went out of focus, then blinked furiously as she took in her surroundings. “I don’t...Cissy, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me. Forgive me! I will clean everything...take your china to be mended.”

“Are you truly so vain and hateful that you would destroy Cissy’s beautiful lunch? The Malfoy china!” said Patty, hiding a smirk.

“Forgive me, Cissy! I will clean everything...take your china to be mended.” Tears welled in her eyes.

Narcissa looked at the other two women in shock. Had the just...lied to protect her identity?

The door burst open. Draco stepped through the door with none other than...Harry Potter.

Mrs. Goyle gasped, looking at Mrs. Crabbe.

Mrs. Crabbe gasped, looking at Narcissa.

Harry gasped, looking at Draco.

Mrs. Parkinson recoiled at Draco’s gaze.

“What the bloody fuck happened here. When _myyyy faaaather_ hears about this, there will be hell to pay!”

“P-Potter…” Midge pointed.

Harry picked up a sandwich and took a bite, “Mrs. Malfoy, this is delicious!” He took in the chaos around him. He picked up a book lying on the ground in front of him. “Love Before Midnight. Loved this one!”

Narcissa’s stomach clenched, eyes darting to Draco, who leaned toward Harry.

“Hmm. I’ll have to give it a read.”

Two boys walked out the door.

**Author's Note:**

> **Thank you for reading!**
> 
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